Orochi Party Time
by Rydain
Summary: A bunch of the guys take a break from fighting to throw an epic party. The original concept came from a message board game as silly as Warriors Orochi itself. Let's go crazy!


_Keiji Maeda, on drums!__  
Musashi Miyamoto, on double lead guitar!__  
Gan Ning, on vocals!  
Cao Ren, on bass!_

_Time to ROCK!_

Ling Tong: Hey, can I get in?  
Cao Ren: You may have a turn when somebody loses.  
Musashi: You mean somebody other than me.  
Keiji, smacking Musashi with the drumsticks: Do you ever shut up? Chew on this!

* * *

Zhang He: Who is in the mood for a fabulous makeover?  
Ranmaru Mori: ...  
Zhang He: I will bring some color to those cheeks!  
Ranmaru: I am too manly for makeup.  
Zhang He: You might be pleasantly surprised.

* * *

Sima Yi: I propose a strategist's wager.  
Zhuge Liang: We shall challenge the great minds of Wu to team chess.  
Lu Meng: You're on!

_A few turns later._..

Lu Xun: You sunk my battleship!  
Lu Meng: Do you even remember what we're playing? That's the last time I share my beer with you, kid._  
_

_Zhuge Liang accidentally summons wind and knocks over half the board._

Sima Yi, zapping him with a laser beam: You just forfeited our turn, you fool!

* * *

Gan Ning, caterwauling: Run to the hiiiiills...run for your liiiiiife...  
Zhang He: Your vocal technique is dreadful, and your score reflects it.  
Sakon Shima: Can somebody stuff a sock in that guy?  
Keiji: Yeah, isn't there a line?  
Cao Ren: I would agree that it is Ling Tong's turn.  
Gan Ning: Hey! I'm not done!  
Ling Tong: Yeah you are.  
Cao Ren: The people have spoken.  
Gan Ning: Then that means you have to finish the song, smartypants. And I'm going to help you sing soprano.

_He kicks Rockman in the crotch...then grimaces, drops the mike, and hobbles away to find some ice for his stubbed toe._

Xiahou Dun: Well I never...  
Cao Ren: I told you that metal underwear had its purposes.

* * *

Sun Ce, from the bathroom: What the...? QUAAAAAAAN!  
Sun Quan: What's the problem?  
Sun Ce: I flushed the toilet and it came out of the faucet! Weren't you the last one in here?  
Sun Quan: Yes, but...  
Kotaro Fuma, from somewhere in the shadows: Chaos reigns.

* * *

Cao Ren, falling to the bottom of the meter: I thought I knew this one.  
Musashi, with a perfect score: And you said this was an easy song. Who's the best? Who's the best?  
Cao Ren, bombing out: It is difficult to see over Keiji's hair.  
Masamune Date: All right! I'm up!  
Cao Ren: Fair enough. I suppose it is my turn to guard the door.

* * *

Magoichi Saika, with a few beers in his system: Finally! I was hoping a lady would show up. This party has been so dull.  
Ranmaru, sporting a butterfly barrette and sparkly pink eyeshadow: I'm not...  
Magoichi: Not good enough? Nonsense. There's plenty of me to go around.

* * *

Xu Zhu: Come on, Cao Ren! Let me into the party!  
Cao Ren: I don't believe there is any more room in the house.  
Goemon: Sure there is!  
Cao Ren, glancing at Hideyoshi Toyotomi swinging off the porch: No, there is not.  
Meng Huo: Can we at least get some food?  
Cao Ren: There is a McDonald's down the street.  
Xu Zhu: But I'm hungry now!  
Cao Ren: A bit of patience never hurt.  
Xu Zhu: Lord Cao Cao says we should share. I'm telling!  
Goemon: Hey, bros. Come here for a second.

_3...2...1..._

Xu Zhu: Look out below!  
Meng Huo: I'm starving!  
Goemon: It's peanut butter jelly time to cut the cheese!

_A rancid green mushroom cloud erupts from their collective rear ends. Cao Ren has faced down many horrors of war, but none prepared him for the triple tag team fart musou. Expending all of his will on the effort of holding down lunch, he collapses to the ground._

Cao Ren: ...I have crumbled.

* * *

Lu Xun: Connect Four! We win!  
Lu Meng: ...sigh...  
Sima Yi: I told you this game should have an age limit.

_Thrilled with his apparent victory over the Fan Boys, Lu Xun wanders away from the chess game._

Lu Meng: Anyone care to help me finish this? Anyone?

Wei Yan: I...want...turn...  
Lu Meng: Why not...you can't possibly be any worse.

_Zhuge Liang focuses for several minutes and makes a careful move._

Wei Yan: ...Foolish.

Wei Yan, taking his turn: Check...mate.  
Sima Yi, unleashing more laser beams on Zhuge Liang: You allowed us to be beaten by that imbecile?  
Wei Yan: Not...stupid. Speech...problem.

* * *

_With Wei's immovable object temporarily out of commission, only one other man can possibly stand between the free food crew and the rapidly dwindling snack stash in the kitchen._

Dian Wei: Think of something quick! I don't know how long I can take three against one.

_After some strategizing._..

Huang Gai: I have prepared a fire pit.  
Xu Huang: And here's the chopping block.  
Zhang Fei: All set to butcher! Now who's in charge of the meat supply?

_Pang Tong levitates, dropping a confused cow out of his robes._

Huang Gai: How'd you do that?  
Pang Tong: Sorry, explanations aren't really my thing.

* * *

Xiahou Yuan, making do with a tree in the absence of proper indoor plumbing: Bullseye!  
Huang Zhong, hitting the highest branch: Rookie.  
Xiahou Yuan, aiming at the top of a tree that Xu Huang had just cut down for firewood: No problem.  
Huang Zhong: Cheater.

* * *

Dian Wei, dragging half-awake Cao Ren inside: Hey! I'm going to guard the door. Can't let you have all the fun around here.

_A little while later..._

Zhang Jiao, with an armload of pamphlets: Have you heard of the miracle that is my faith?  
Dian Wei: No, but that thick skull of yours looks like a nice target for my axe.  
Zhang Jiao: Are you threatening me? The heavens do not take kindly to such disrespect!

_He backs up and spews fireballs at Dian Wei._

Yoshimoto Imagawa, kicking his kemari around the corner: Oh, what a wonderful magic show!  
Zhang Jiao: This is not a show! It is divine punishment!  
Yoshimoto: Do you juggle too?

_Yoshimoto sends the kemari flying at Zhang Jiao. Jiao blasts the ball away with a jet of flame._

Zhang Jiao: How dare you interfere with the Way of Peace?  
Yoshimoto, staring crestfallen at the melted remains of his kemari: Perhaps I should have proposed a game of Show and Tell instead.

* * *

Mitsunari Ishida: I'll see you and raise you a hundred.  
Kanetsugu Naoe, laying down what turns out to be five jokers: Full hou-  
Mitsunari, displaying his hand: Royal flush.  
Kanetsugu, blasting him with a laser beam: Dishonorable rogue!

* * *

Musashi: I am invincible!  
Masamune: Nobody cares, you self-righteous ass!  
Keiji, failing out: Got it handed to me on that one. Shorty! You're up!

_Before taking over on drums, Cao Ren steals Musashi's Red Bull and replaces it with Kool-Aid. Caffeine deprivation eventually kicks in._

Musashi: The controller must be dying. Yeah. That's it. When's the last time you charged this thing?

_Drop...drop...drop...FAIL!_

Cao Ren: One more enemy outlasted!


End file.
